This is not goodbye.
Sit back and relax! This is a very long one.
32 weeks! for 32 weeks I have blogged for you. I have had the opportunity to share my life with you. I still cannot believe that this is my life. I mean, I wasn’t even interested in blogging in the beginning. I never really thought of myself as a writer (still don’t). This was all a plan to get more ambassador hours because I thought I would be too busy to accumulate enough hours. Today, 32 posts later, I am proud to say that I, without a doubt, love what I do and I am forever grateful for the opportunity to do this every week.
This is sadly my last post for the semester and I wish it wasn’t because I have a whole lot to say. I turn 19 in a couple days and it got me thinking. I have done a lot of learning in my 19 years on earth but I still have way more to learn. All my life, I have been this school oriented girl. Never really got in trouble, almost a straight A’s student haha, and just… I don’t know, basic? I never really thought of myself as “basic” until my acquaintance from swim class asked what I do for fun. I was like I mean… I blog? oh yeah, I get paid to do that. umm… I guess I swim? oh crap, I’m taking this class for credit. After a round of me rambling, I realized how much I need to learn, grow and just let go.
Why am I telling you all this? I actually have no clue but let’s see where I go with this, shall we?
I am still going to have an undying passion for education but that cannot be all that Grace is. I want to be a better person in general. A better friend, daughter, colleague, you name it. I want to smile more and be less uptight LMAO. I still hate parties and think they are a waste of time and money but I will try to make memories with friends. I want to have memories to tell my future nieces and nephews. I don’t remember anything from my childhood. I have a vague but terrifying memory of adolescence and now I am about to enter adulthood with only memories of human anatomy. That is rather sad if I say so myself.
I don’t know other people’s perception of me but I really don’t need to because I have convinced myself that nobody really likes me. This creepy voice in my head tells me all kind of things like “I talk too much, (that is actually a fact), I’m too fat, not smart enough, and things I can’t even begin to type. I have put it off for so long and today is the day, I guess? Today is the day I make a choice. I want to be a much nicer person to myself. I want to mean every smile I wear and care for myself as much as I do others. I preach self-love but truthfully, I am my biggest hater and that, my friend, is why I need to change. They say, and by “they” I mean my nutrition textbook, that once a person turns 19, growth stops, except of course during pregnancy and I guess healing periods, but that’s not the point. The point is, at 19, I am opening doors for all the growth possible.
I will try to wrap this in one piece.
Thank you. I tried to force what was supposed to be two blog posts into one and I don’t know if it works. I don’t know if it makes any sense but you know what? it really doesn’t matter because you stayed through it all. You have built a writer in me because you always come back to read my crap. Thank you for being the nicest audience a girl could ask for. I mean, I ran so many simulations, in my head, of how this could go wrong but I forgot to imagine a world where 500+ people cared so much to click on my post time and time again. What is my life right now? Never in a million years did I imagine this outpour of love and encouragement I get from you. Again, Thank you! I will never get tired of saying that.
I would also like to congratulate my fellow student leaders, friends, bloggers and honestly, everyone that is graduating this semester. You have made it through every quiz, midterm, final and after 60 credits or more, you are finally done. I know it’s not my place, but I am so proud of you and I want you to know that no matter how you graduated, whether honors, PTK, cum laude, or just a regular ol’ degree, you are leaving here a winner. It takes a lot to stay and earn a degree, so good job! Hey! go kill it in the real world. Remember, CCBC will always be a home to you, that’s of course if you want it to be.
I was supposed to start the nursing program in the fall and that kind of meant I would have to give up blogging or being an ambassador in general. I subconsciously, even though I wanted it with all my heart, didn’t want to get in. I mean I could have applied to other programs but again! that is not the point. The point is I get to blog for you for one more semester and I am over the moon excited. I cannot wait to catch you up on all the growth I make this summer. Before then, catch up on my other blog posts. I have my personal favorites that I am forever proud of. I actually cannot believe I typed these. oh! what a year.
Here are links to some of my favorites.
Read about the amazing Ms. Lesley and student life. Also, we need more student leaders, this could be you next semester so you better click this link. I mean it! Don’t let me down. I’m counting on you. now click!
I could go on and on but I will stop with my proudest piece. Read this to feel LESS alone
I love all my posts. It reminds me of moments in my life that I would have otherwise forgotten. I hope you like them as much as I do. Have a wonderful Summer! I will try not to cry but just know that I already miss you. I love you 3000.
This is my longest post omg! I made it to 1000 words. OK bye for real this time.
I know I said Goodbye but I really want to congratulate my friends. I will try to type this without crying. No promises because I really do love these guys and will miss every one of them.
Katelyn Jackson, thank you for convincing me that ambassador was the way to go. Who knew that sitting in front of you in communications class will change my whole life and omg taking a science class in the summer will make both of us have a mutual hatred for Dundalk. I love and will miss you so much, Kate! Happy Birthday BTW. Amber Thomas, thank you for being my blogger buddy and the person to turn to when I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I will miss talking about how clueless and idea-less I always am about what to blog about. I miss you already. Siret Maegi, I am so upset that we did not get a chance to work together way more than we did. I can happily say though, from the few ties I got the pleasure to work with you, you were a ball to work with and I know you have a very bright future ahead of you. I miss you.
I would include other names but I am pretty sure everyone is tired of me at this point. I know I promised not to cry but in all honesty, I don’t think there is a way out. I am going to miss each and every one of you. I hate goodbyes so, this is not goodbye, it’s see you very soon.