I have a lot to say and I know sometimes I try to incorporate a lot in my post that the message gets lost in my ramble, so if you don’t take anything from this post, I want you to know that beauty comes in different forms and you are pretty inc®edible just the way you are.
It has already been established that I had one of the worst high school experiences ever, but one thing I did not mention is my eating disorder. In elementary school, I lived at home and my mom would literally feed me every 2hours. I was so huge and tall, haha! People actually thought I was way older than I actually was. My weight loss journey started in high school and in 9th grade, I weighed 90pounds. That was around the time I started getting bullied and I tried not to gain any weight, like none at all. I barely ate and would force myself to sleep on an empty stomach because I obviously couldn’t eat in my sleep. I was so skinny and everyone would ask me if I was sick. I graduated from school weighing 90pounds and I thought I was the fattest person at graduation. My mom was not the most pleased with my weight and would force me to eat and I’ll just look at her like “oh no, that would make me fat”. During my gap year, I started to eat out of boredom and I just never stopped apparently. As time went on, I started getting very self-conscious again. I would wear sweats all day because I wanted to mask the fact that my thighs are bigger than they used to be. it’s crazy and as much as I wanna sit here and write about how much I love myself and the body I’m in, I can’t. I will say this though, I am working towards it and soon enough, I’ll be able to proudly talk about self-love.
We all know about physical training and how efficient it is in losing weight blah blah… but nobody talks about mental training. In a world full of depression, anxiety, body dysmorphia, and all kinds of mental illness, mental training should be like a trend or something. We have this voice in our head that tell us the meanest things, like “you’re too fat”, “too skinny”, “not smart enough”, (I could go on and on) and we just believe every word. I had the opportunity of listening to Professor April speak on mental health and she said some things that really spoke to me. She said if we talk to everyone the way we talk to ourselves, we’ll probably have no friends. I want you to remember that the voice in your head is not actually you and you have no obligation to listen to the criticism it has to offer. You are beautiful just the way you are.