Before you start reading this, this post may seem like I need an intervention, but I promise you I do not. Just read to the last word. love you.
Last week was not a walk in the park for me. I tried to blog about it and let’s just say good thing I didn’t because that was full of bitterness. I gave up on everything I always dreamt about and eventually gave in to fear. I never dreamed of CCBC nor did I dream of Johns Hopkins but one thing I did dream of is being a doctor. In high school, people always said to me and I quote “you think you are smart, you can never be a doctor because that’s what all the kids want to be”, ” it is too hard for you”, I could go on and on but I promised to save you from my bitterness. The time came to pick a major and I listened to the voices so much that I started to believe them. I knew I wanted to be a doctor but at 16, I did not know how I was going to go about it. I was asked to pick to pick between Biology and Nursing and it was like God came to tell me medicine was not the route for me, so I picked Nursing. I always joke with my friends about how I do not want to be just a Nurse and how I wish I knew better when I was picking a major but they always thought I was joking. I know what you’re thinking. “Grace why can’t you just change your major.” Well, it’s too late, I’m too late. I am convinced I’ll fail pre-calc or calc and even if I don’t, I’ll fail med school. This seems bitter but it really is not.
Last week, I visited the school everyone thinks I should attend, Johns Hopkins, and although it is a great school, it is not for me. I am not that smart and even if I were, they do not have an undergraduate degree for my major. I know like I needed another sign from God. That’s fine, that was not exactly my dream, it was more of people’s dream for me. I tried to figure out my life and because I CHOSE my major, I have to make the most of it. spoiler alert, the people at my high school were right. I was not cut out to be a doctor but I can dare to be the next best thing or at least the closest one. During one of my student life cohort meetings, we were asked to draw a tree and write our goals. I wrote a ton of things but in bold letters, I wrote BSN, MSN, and Ph.D. in medicine. Today I am going to rewrite that dream. it might be late to change my major, but it is never too late change the way I path in which I achieve the dream. I will work the hardest to get my BSN, MSN, and Ph.D. in nursing and when it seems difficult or I start to second guess myself, I’ll come back here and remember how much helping people means to me. The dream was not only to be a doctor, but it was also to help people and tweaking it a little in a way that still satisfies the big dream is perfectly fine.
I do not know what your dream is. it could be a small one or a big one but one thing I do know is you are allowed to have one. I want you to put fear behind you before it gets too late and even if it seems like it’s too late, it is never too late to dream again. I dare you to dream big or small and see what happens. Remember, if your dreams don’t scare you, they are not big enough.
Happy November Y’all! The semester is almost over!