I will survive

I knew there was a 95% chance I would be writing this post but I don’t think it really occurred to me how emotional I would get. My life has been nothing short of an emotional rollercoaster this past two week and I have never been more confused about anything until now. You may have already guessed it but if you have no clue; I didn’t get into the program. There! I said it.

On Friday, April 5th, a day before the CCBC gala, which I was honored to attend, I got the heart crushing news, in a rather unpleasant email, that I didn’t get into the nursing program. (that was the longest sentence, what the f*#*) I was working as an ambassador with a bunch of high school kids and I broke down in tears. I am pretty sure those kids think I am one of those crazy unstable adults with boy issues. Spoiler alert, I am not! I cried the entire event which lasted 3hrs, give or take. Later that day, I tried to pull myself together by focusing on getting ready for the gala. I made sure I didn’t have the time to think about anything.

I haven’t really had time to think about my next step but how could I possibly think when everyone has an opinion about my life. The craziest thing happened the other day in the honors lounge, and I am appalled that we have people like this in this world. I was talking to my friend about how I didn’t get accepted into the program blah blah and this lady, who had noise cancellation headphones on, decided to pitch in. She started going on and on about how she has 2 masters degree in nursing and how she is certain that I will never get into any nursing program.  She went on and on about how I should change my major and how I am in the wrong career path. She had a whole lot to say and all I could do at the time was sit, stare, and smile. I still cannot comprehend how a fellow human being can come up to a person who is obviously going through rejection, and say things like that. I, however,  am grateful to be at the phase in my life where I am semi-emotionally stable and have a place to vent rather than in my bathtub with a knife in my hand. Her words hurt, don’t get me wrong but not enough to give it a thought. She is obviously going through something and I am sorry she has to be that bitter to me or anyone.

I still have no idea what my next step will be, but it is definitely not a career change. I appreciate everyone that has opinions on schools I should apply to and I love you but I need you to stop talking, at least for now. I am trying to think and all I can hear is noise. Everyone has opposing ideas and it is driving me crazy. I just need time to figure myself out. The good news is, I get to come back next semester to blog omg! A literal dream.

I am growing. I am learning and with learning comes failure, rejection, and success. Eventually, I will get past the rejection phase and into the success but I need to figure it out on my own. I need to make my own mistakes, learn from them and grow to be the person in my dreams. I am growing. I will Survive.