Oh hey there, it’s me, again. You didn’t think I was gone for good, did you? Well, I missed you, but I promise you didn’t miss much or at least nothing important but hey, this is where I tell you about how sad and pathetic my break was. Grab your popcorn, frappuccinos, lattes or whatever and enjoy. You’re welcome.
I have probably mentioned this a thousand times but I took a summer class and I will forever blame it for all of my misery. I wasn’t ready for the fall semester so when it came, it wore me out. I had all my finals on the same day and even though my teas exam was days away, I was so happy the semester was over and did not want anything to do with anything or anyone. I got home the night after my finals and turned on Netflix. A very regrettable choice. I started watching grey’s anatomy and like that, I went into a dark place. I didn’t sleep, eat or do anything but watch Grey’s. I finished 15 seasons in a little over 2weeks. I would have conversations in my head about stopping but I didn’t. I couldn’t. My teas exam approached sooner than I had hoped and I was the least prepared. To be honest, I resent everyone that ever told me I was smart enough or that I would pass it because that made me study in a way I would never have. I wasn’t me. I would try to study and literally talk myself out of it because “I am Smart” haha! I studied while watching greys. Forgot to go to bed countless times and only remember that I didn’t when I heard my sister’s alarm go off.
Short story, I went, took the exam and guess what failed. I say I failed so I can feel every ounce of stupidity that led me to the result I got. I could have done better. I should have done better or so I thought. I got a proficient but didn’t meet the reading requirement and I know some people think I did well or maybe they just say that to make me feel better about myself. News flash, I don’t. I hate myself because I single-handedly took away my chances at CCBC Nursing program. I had my life planned out or so I thought. I was going to join the ATB program with Stevenson and in a second, the moment I saw my results, I saw everything I dreamed of crumble in tiny pieces. I cried for 3 hours and still cry to this day when I think about it. I put on the biggest fake smile when everyone asks about my result because I’m scared I would lose it and ball my eyes out. Don’t tell me to try again because I did and guess what I failed again. HAHA!
I don’t say all this to make you feel bad for me. I say it to motivate you. if there’s anything I’ve learned in college, it is that nobody is smart enough. we learn every day and failure is inevitable. I know I can’t be the only one that has failed the exam, although I might be the only one that failed it twice. if you have gone through the same thing, I am here to tell you not to give up. I did, for a little while and then snapped back. talk about it. the fact that I can type this without balling is progress and I am ready to take on anything. I had actual dreams of me walking across the stage at graduation with my Associate’s degree and smiling because my Bachelor’s was just a few months away. It sucks but it is really not the end of the world, if anything, it is the beginning. I believe there is always a reason for everything.
Moving on, now that you know my Christmas and new year was a bum, let’s get to the good part. wait… there’s none. I thought about blogging every day this break and the time comes to get back on the saddle and I can’t even find a good part of the story. One thing’s sure though, I still suck at blogging so umm… I’m sorry (not sorry) you have to deal with me for another semester.
I am looking forward to having the best semester ever. To finding my happiness and of course dealing with my pain. All things considered, I am happy I get 16 weeks to learn, grow and interact with you.
Grace
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